THE VAST WILDERNESS

It was such a big store. I’ve never been to a Home Depot before. There’s a first time for everything, I guess. As soon as I got in the automatic door, about five different people with bright plastic smiles on their faces surrounded me and unanimously cried, “Welcome to Home Depot How May I Direct Your Needs??” My goodness. I just kind of gulped, Thank you—excuse me—sorry—Pardon and started strolling through this vast wilderness of household goods and building supplies. I passed a shelving department that looks like it’s about as big as my entire house and this young woman was calling out, “Home Depot organizers!!” She kept repeating it, over and over again, that same little phrase. I almost forgot what I was coming in there to look for. Oh yes, a planter. Eventually one of the staff—not one of the five that greeted me at the door, because I’ll never forget those cheerful, hyper faces as long as I live—directed me OUTSIDE to the garden and lawn section, which takes up maybe a couple of city blocks. Planters! Of course we have planters, ma’am, said the guy with the curled mustache and the “Mr. Lawn Care” apron. Did you have something in mind, or can I just show you everything? Well, needless to even mention at this point, my sister was satisfied with the adequate, practical planter I bought for her at Home Depot.